Inappropriate Places To Take Your Baby

Excuse me for a minute while I deeply offend every parent in the world, but you and your baby are not welcome to go wherever you please.

There are limits.

Why are there limits? Why can’t babies go everywhere? Because it is just plain inappropriate.

For one thing, babies, and by babies I mean toddlers and even children under the age of 12, are known to make a lot of noise. They cry, wail and scream. They throw tantrums. Their method of transportation is the dreaded pram, a large contraption on wheels that is often used by parents to create a blockade, obstructing the traffic of normal, everyday citizens who have not yet chosen to breed.

The main realm of the baby should be home. Closely followed by school, playgroup or childcare. Maybe the park and playgrounds. But most definitely not in highly populated areas where adults go to relax, unwind or get stuff done. Adult stuff.

In the past week or so it has become abundantly clear to me that some people out there are unaware of the limits.

That is why I have compiled a short list.

INAPPROPRIATE PLACES TO TAKE YOUR BABY

1. The Cinema
‘Mums and Bubs’ sessions are in the morning. That’s because babies shouldn’t be going to 7pm screenings of action blockbusters like Hancock. Before you scoff, “No-one would take their baby to a 7pm screening of Hancock,” you better believe they did. I saw them. I was there. Inappropriate movie. Inappropriate time. Bad parents.

2. Good Food and Wine Show
If you went on the weekend then you will know that the wine portion of the event far outweighed the food part. I mean people weren’t paying $25 to taste cheese, they were paying $25 to get pissed on tastings. So, I was mortified to see parents wheeling their babies through the massive throngs, wine glass in hand, screaming baby tied to pram, pram bashing regular citizens out of the way. Name change: Brood and Whine Show.

3. Pubs and Nightclubs
18+ at all times of the day.

4. Brothels
Enough said.

5. Work
Children cannot come to work with you. No, not even in the school holidays. Because it is really annoying when you’re trying to get work done and you can’t hear yourself think because some precious cherub is singing their ABCs. Not cute, annoying.

6. Casino
Simple equation. Gambling is for adults and not for children + The casino is where gambling happens + Babies are children = Therefore, babies should not go to the casino.

7. Nice Restaurants
Let’s make a rule. If the menu doesn’t include nuggets, chips, burgers or a fruit box, then this restaurant is not for kids. There is nothing worse than splurging on posh nosh only to find your conversation and the mood drowned out by a screaming 3-year-old.

8. Concerts
Music too loud for baby. Danger. Baby could be trampled to death.

9. Weddings and Funerals
Romantic moment or grief-filled speech ruined by screaming child. Ruined.

10. Shops
Okay, okay. I know you have to go shopping for nappies and baby food. I just hate navigating the aisles when your pram, the one you’re using for your groceries, takes up so much space, your kids are screaming, and either you take them by the arm, eyes narrowed to slits, muttering under your breath in an unforgiving tone “When we get home…” OR you smack them OR you ignore them completely. I don’t want to see this stuff. I want my skim milk and my wholegrain bread and my Lean Cuisine and my Mars Bar Lite and I want to get that stuff without hearing the cries of an indignant child, without seeing child abuse and without witnessing any spectacle of any kind. Possible solution: childfree shopping zones.

Yes, that’s right. I don’t like your baby. I wish you would leave it at home. AND I don't think you should get parking close to the entrance because of your stupid pram.

Reader Comments

The New Black

21/07/2008 at 17:01

I agree there is a place for the baby and then places for adults. You don't see me playing in the coloured balls at Ikea. Why ... because it is only for children. If that is true (and it is) then they should not be out at all after sundown.

And to those parents who put their children on a leash when they take them out ... maybe you should have had a rethink when you engaged in between the sheet action and got a dog instead.

Voodoo

21/07/2008 at 18:22

YES!!!!
Man, I hate those humongous prams that resemble the baby equivalent of a Humvee! Always getting up in my face, on the train, in the already crowded supermarket aisles... the list goes on and all the while, non breeding citizens are expected to 'give way' as if it's 'the second coming on board'. Pfft!

Oh, and don't get me started about 'Hancock' - some doting parent had the brilliant idea of taking their phelgmy brat along to a 9pm screening of 'The Dark Knight' last week.

bignanna

22/07/2008 at 16:25

Restaurants, don't get me started, love going out for tea but its spoilt all the time with screaming uncontrollable kids, parents having a ball eating drinking, speaking but do they control their brats. Oh no, we all have to suffer. I've gone up & asked them please can u control your kids & just as I thought you get a mouthful of abuse. Shows how ignorant the parents are. Next one is breast feeding in a restaurant/shopping centres. Please don't get me wrong - all for natural feeding, my generation of women fought quite vigorously for mother's rooms in s/centres, picketed s/centres etc till we got mothers rooms (now daddies as well) now walk around s/centres & all u see is boobs everywhere. Young mums, we fought for these rooms so we all could have private time (security for your younger children) while we breast fed our babies. I don't get offended I get angry because I picketed shopping centres for this right.

Angie

23/07/2008 at 03:51

I stand ... and I applaud.

23/07/2008 at 16:01

Speaking of giant prams, I saw a lady crash one into a man yesterday. It was HER fault (I saw the whole thing, officer!), but she just glared at him when HE said sorry. Sheesh.

Why do you need such a big pram for such a small object? It's not like they're doing gymnastic floor exercises in there!

Angel girl

24/07/2008 at 13:13

I can understand that parents want to get out and interact with other adults and that is okay. They should be allowed to go out with their prams, but it is the parents with attitude that's the problem.
No-one is suggesting they should not go out, but maybe for things like movies, they should just go to the Mums and Babies sessions, which is set up at a few cinemas. Some babies are more quiet, but people go to the cinema expecting to watch the film with little interuption.
I think that old HBF advertisement with the engaged couple watching the children of a family destroying the table at a restaurant says it all. It shows the struggles of a young family trying to go out and the couple cringing (but smiling) at the mess and noise while trying to have a quiet, romantic dinner. Except it is actually funny on television.
It is the pushy parents that ruin it for everyone with their rude grunts and stares as they are battling to get through with a pram. The rest are just trying their best.

voyagersaus

29/07/2008 at 14:38

LOL, the things some people get upset about. Most of that I agree with, and I have produced one of each kind of child. I actually find parents struggling in public with unruly children rather entertaining.
Why not a ban on non-breeders or otherwise currently childless folk in the aisles on certain shopping days? I generally DON'T shop with my kids (as I believe that is what daycare is for) and I pity the office workers on their lunch break trying to get a bit of shopping done when all those nasty children and their mothers are clogging up the checkouts :) I mean, how dare they??

Deb

30/07/2008 at 13:58

As a parent I agree with you.
There is nothing worse that paying a babysitter and going out for dinner - only to have someone else's child crawl all over you or worse; emit high pitched squeals that the parents ignore.
Get a babysitter! It's not that hard!
I just blogged about the 'cinema rules' - a much needed etiquette guide for behaving in the cinema. Rule number 1 was no children in adult movies! http://www.opinionated-female.blogspot.com
Please feel free to add your own!

Rachel

31/07/2008 at 14:08

I believe you about the late-night movies - some parents felt the need to take their 7 year olds to see the 9:30pm Spicks and Specks a few months ago. Saving money on a babysitter: $50
Explaining to kids what all "those" words meant: priceless.

shut the hell up

16/11/2008 at 03:57

Are you that ignorant and cruel that you think mothers and babies should not go shopping? I am a single mother of a baby (yeah yeah judge all you want). People can end up taking care of a child for a number of reasons. Your day may come you stuck up people who take birth control.. it can still happen. Yeah if I actually bought this crap I would be like "oh I am not going to go buy food now because someone is going to get annoyed that I have to take my baby with me." Riiigggght.. As for the babysitting thing, not everyone can afford it at certain points in their life. Being a mother is tough enough, so why don't you lay off a little! This was not a clever article at all..just naive..try showing this to your mother and see what she says.

Miss Thrills

16/11/2008 at 21:55

Yes. I think if you read the whole blog (opinion, not article) then you will find the message is that I think mothers and babies should not go shopping, ever, and should instead starve to death at home.
Or is it that there are inappropriate and appropriate places to take a screaming child?
If you can't afford a babysitter for a 7pm screening of a movie... perhaps staying at home could be an option? You know, so the infant could get to sleep before 9pm.
Anyway, thanks for your feedback - keep it comin'

Stephanie

19/11/2008 at 21:21

Okay..... me and my husband take both our children to the pub for a nice meal, to restaurants as well, to weddings and to funerals, and to the shops. Do I honestly care what you think? Nope! You seem to be a lonely miserable person if these are your biggest gripes in life. Do you not think you were once a child yourself? My kids are well behaved but have their moments. I'd say some of you "mature supposed adults" have yours too. To say the least I am slightly dumbfounded. Perhaps you should be the ones to recluse and stay at home!!!!

20/11/2008 at 08:53

I was born adult sized.
Thanks for caring enough to leave a comment.

Young Mum

02/01/2009 at 05:41

How is it, that from a generation of growth and learning we have still come to use terms such as 'inappropriate places' to take your child. Were we all not once children ourselves, unable to communicate, not for the lack of wanting or trying, but for the simple reason -growing up. A trait which most of those of you who commented seemed to have missed while still in your 'childish' phase.
I mean, dont take a child shopping? What an opportunity a child misses out on learning, new colours, words and places etc. If you dont expose a child to the 'rightly adult places' how do they learn.
Shame on you and all who dare to comment that children dont have the same right to go where you as an adult go. Where is freedom, the right and ability to learn and grow, would you deny this of your own offspring... if and when your blessed enough to 'breed' as it is so put?
Some places are a no go - PUB ETC, NEVER! but is that not my job to decide as a parent, not yours? Call it responsible parenting.

Equally Entitled

10/01/2009 at 08:39

It's important for children to experience different places and people, and to learn to behave in social situations.

If they didn't have that opportunity, they'd turn into socially inept people like yourself.

Grow up.

victoria

24/01/2009 at 01:33

this is pretty stupid. i take my baby to the store and out to eat and lots of other stuff. sometimes i leave him at home. it just depends. if you are a good parent you wont have a child that people hate to be around n the store. i sit mine inn the buggy and he is happy and all smiles. i take him to some restraunts with us but not restraunts with bars or that are going to be a strain on him. but you are a very rude and misrable person. the only reason you dont have kids is because you are such a price nobody will touch you and you are jealous of the beautiful babies in the world. so i dont care what you think or say if i ever happend to run into you i will chase you around with my crying baby in a HUGE stroller and park right in front of the store and sit right next to you in that fine restaraunt so he can fling food at you. lol! you are ignorant to the concept of children. they are a blessing!!

Author's Dad

24/01/2009 at 07:02

I remember when you were a baby. You were so sweet. Then the Dr slapped your butt and the nonstop crying and whining started. Horrible to see it's continued. I can't remember how many times I shook you or "accidentally" dropped you on your head in the hopes you would SU. *SIGH When you read this come up from the basement and we can discuss your failures as a human....again.

sam....

23/04/2009 at 17:02

You are a truly miserable fart! It might be worth someone reminding you that you, yourself, were once one of those space absorbing noisey little babies once. Had your parents kept you at home at all times you would have no social skills or abilities to cope with the real world....but then again maybe they did keep you at home as the real world is clearly something you don't deal with particularly well....whether you like it or not babies are always going to be there and have every right to be so! They are afterall, people just like the rest of us!

Deliberarelty Barren Jezebel

16/10/2009 at 09:00

"if i ever happend to run into you i will chase you around with my crying baby in a HUGE stroller and park right in front of the store and sit right next to you in that fine restaraunt so he can fling food at you. lol!"

Awwwwwww! Sure you can afford to come to a fine restaraunt or push a stroller at a speed to keep up with one of us without those thunderous mummy thighs rubbing your trackies threadbare?

Of course, if one of us ladies ever finds your husband, we'll sit close by and flaunt our flat bellies, firm and vein-free thighs and pert breasts to remind him of what he once enjoyed. Who knows, perhaps that encourgage him to sees one of us out for the real deal to remind him that it is not just a woman's belly that gets overstretched by childbirth -- if he has not done so already? *LOL*

C. Whiskey

15/11/2009 at 00:48

I totally understand and couldn't agree with you more.

MotherOf1

15/11/2009 at 05:57

Seriously are u that sad to have taken the time to make this ridiculous page! seems some people in life were put on earth to moan about the most pointless things! okay so u were once a baby, did ur mother keep u at home?! I think ur disgustingly ignorant to think that babies shouldn't be in places that adults are.

Mother

11/12/2009 at 19:33

I would seriously worry about my child being in the same shop as you, and to know there are people like you out there is worrying, you clearly have a problem, and if you do ever become a mother, I would seriously consider asking social services to keep an eye on you. I came accross this article by accident, however the fact that you have nothing better to do than write an article that long on how much you hate children, I think you really need to see a proffessional. Saddo.

Mags

27/07/2010 at 03:42

I have a one year old who i bring everywere. I agree that there are some places you should not bring them or if you do and they act up you leave whats so hard about that. My son is good when were out he gets cranky but never has he had a temper tantrume that couldnt be fixed by removing him from the situation. I think who ever wrote this is a lonely lonely person. you seem as though you are the one with the issues. Maybe you should stay in the house and youll never have to here another baby cry or kid throw a temper tantrume again! Seriously dude seek some help!

Jen

08/09/2010 at 05:59

LOVE this site! I see too many stupid parents bringing their kids to all of these above places...
its usually not their fault, nobody ever told them how to raise their kids.
Who brings a newborn baby to a wedding?That would totally wreck a beautiful wedding day. I'm laughing at all these comments. I guess they love screaming kids.

bypasser

07/10/2010 at 11:51

I don't have kids... but I can see where this person coming from.. all mothers please be understanding to this author.. MissThrill must not have a loving parents, or maybe her parents hated to have her born....More or less.. I think we should pitied anyone who have negative bias towards children and prams... I'm not sure if I'm blessed not to have one, even if I want to have one, physically I'm just not able to ...
So back to the topic, I'm sure all moms will be able to have more compassion and understanding towards her hatred, seems that she's always on the wrong time and wrong place (maybe?) and had all sort of bad experiences... please.. no more hatred comments, she's not worth it from what I can read.... everyone have the rights to express their opinion, if it's not the same with us, we should respect those differences I think.

asdfghjkl

05/12/2010 at 00:44

I'm 21 and a mom and I have no flabby belly, no thunder thighs, and not one stretch mark... but keep the stereotying coming, you're really an asset to the human race.
Also I agreed with this article up until the very last part, the shopping. Children are welcome in grocery stores and I expect to see children there whenever I go, in fact the carriages are built for children to sit in. Find a boyfriend, workout, boost your self esteem, and maybe you won't be so sour about the world.

Sarah

08/01/2011 at 02:26

It's apparent you have no children, and I could assume that you're a man. When your babies come, if ever, you'll be more empathetic and feel bad for writing this article. When you see how hard it is for your beautiful wife to carry a 30 pound infant car seat trying to make it to the grocery store you'll be more understanding. I'm sure you'd agree that were all social creatures, yes even belly popping Mom's with small humans growing in them. We were all babies one time. And I bet if you were out on the street dying you'd cry for your Moma. I am 27. I recently had a child. She was born preterm which means she was undeveloped like a raw egg. She was in intensive care for several weeks fighting for her life while I recovered from a C-Section. She now has throat problem to where when she gets to stressed out she could potentially stop breathing all together because of this my husband and I cannot leave her with ANYBODY. I think my husband and I deserve a nice dinner sometimes. Idiot!

08/01/2011 at 02:36

Also, believe it or not some people choose to have children. If having children meant you were dead, no one would. It's a selfless act. It changes you. I used to drink a ton a red bulls, protein bars and smoke cigars. Why, because I thought I was young and felt I could do whatever I wanted. When you have a child that whole concept changes. You see how fragile life truly is and how big your responsibility is. Children are a blessing, not a curse. Physical changes are minimal. I had a c-section. I am my preterm weight. Even lugging my car seat around with my skinny jeans, knee high boots and long hair I get no lack of attention. You should deleter article.

Samantha

20/02/2011 at 12:31

I agree that there are places babies shouldn't go, but I won't stop going to the supermarket just because you want me to. Don't be such a bitter person... babies are a sunshine to our lives!

maxi

11/03/2011 at 04:34

Inappropriate inane and unnecessary warbling. Do us all a favour and keep it to yourself in future.

audrey

26/03/2011 at 12:18

Wow. That is what i have to say. I cannot even begin to express how this STUPID article makes me feel. "Obstructing the traffic of normal, everyday citizens who have not yet chosen to breed"

When you become a mother, you will look back at this ridiculous article and be ashamed.

All of you who agreed will too.

cidny

27/03/2011 at 19:20

This was dum if you don't wanna be annoyed stay home cuz there's babies everywhere so they're I fixes your problem ... stay home

jeannette

09/08/2011 at 16:34

i used to feel the same way until i got pregnant over a yr ago. my life ended @ that moment. no1 tells u that when ur planning to have a baby that all of a sudden no1 wants u around any more. not even your so called friends. being preg i expected to quit drinking, clubbing & barhoppin ok yea that much i knew, so i was limited to going 2 friends houses, dining & movies. Now w/ a 7mth old i cant even do that!!! 1 of my closest friends invited me to her bday dinner fri evening but followed up by saying "i dont want children there sorry" That broke my heart!!! so every wkend im stuck @ home locked in my apt w/ a screaming baby bcuz no1, including daddy, wants us around...so what we supposed to do???

Leanne

20/08/2011 at 22:27

I totally agree with Audrey! I pray for the day you have a baby that people show you the same compassion that you’ve shown others! Your article is completely stupid and you personally should never be allowed to write another article in your life! But guess what buddy, people are making and having babies EVERYDAY so if you don’t like it you stay home! I will continue to take my child where ever I like and if people like to have a problem with it you and long with everyone else can shove it! You are such a bitter person! Please do us all the favor and stop writing articles! :)

Tom

09/12/2011 at 21:33

You lonely little person, you have no idea what it is like to have children and the daily challenges you will never face. Thank god you arn't a parent, because banishing a child to the same 4 walls is pretty cruel, they may be young but they still like nice things and getting out.

Lecks

02/04/2012 at 08:08

Lmfao! Miss thrills sounds like she doesnt know shes pregnant and her hormones are reacting to seeing mothers caring for their children in public. God bless your poor poor children if anyone dares to bare some with you!

Bubby Lover

03/04/2012 at 10:51

You really need to see a councellor. I actually feel very sad for you that you feel this way. You seem like a very frustrated unhappy person. Maybe next time your out and that pram is coming towards you with that screaming baby, take a breath and move aside and ask yourself, why does this affect me so much??? Am l having a bad day? Just impatient? Unhappy with my own life? I think you will find it is something within yourself and your own life that you are angry about. Once you deal with that you will find these things no longer affect you the way they do now. I hope you eventually find some peace. l was a young Mum and could not handle my child screaming but this was because of my own issues not the fact of the crying

melodylace

05/05/2012 at 14:53

clearly you are just an ignorant person with no children. some babies don't go to sleep until 11pm so saying be home at 7pm so they can get some sleep is riduculous. you have no idea. I pity you should you ever procreate. yes there are certain places where babies are not allowed and those places in force those rules (pubs, clubs brothels) that is how it should be, but shopping malls, food places and the movies are fair game. its simple don't go if you don't want to see babies or children, stay at home until 7pm when all the babies are asleep.

mumma girl

05/05/2012 at 15:06

mummy thighs!? haha I had a baby 8 months ago im 24 and I can promise you id look about 10 times thinner and better looking than you! I'm 50kgs and 5"7 zero mummy thighs and a flat belly. so many ignorant or arrogant folk on here. having a baby does not mean you end up fat and ugly. I'm thinner than I was before.

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