I received an email today. Out of all of the email addresses on the planet, mine was selected as winner of a mega sweepstakes lucky lottery.
Better than any chook raffle, meat tray, lucky dip or scratchie. I'm talking mega serious wealth.
€21,000,000,000.
Not US Dollars, Aussie Dollars, Ringgit, Riel or Rupee.
EURO.
So, the already impressive win of €21,000,000,000 is actually more like $28,548,460,500
Twenty Eight BILLION, Five Hundred and Forty Eight MILLION, Four Hundred and Sixty Thousand, Five Hundred Australian Dollars.
I wonder how they'll get that much text on my winner's cheque?
Oh wait, no need to worry about that - they are going to transfer the funds direct to my nominated bank account. Very kind of them.
It means I'll be able to help all my long lost, and completely unknown, relatives in far off countries. The ones that also email me regularly to request my urgent assistance in the transfer of our closely related (but also completely unknown) deceased relative.
How lucky am I? All these people completely selflessly looking out for my financial wellbeing.
Anyway, I promise not to let my most recent windfall change me.
I'm going to buy the rights to Two and a Half Men so my boy Charlie can resume his #winning ways.
I'm also going to invest in my own McDonalds, so I can have a bar put in. Then it really will be my own personal heaven.
www.parentalparody.com