I seem to have an unfortunate condition called I-can't-look-away-itis. This chronic illness manifests itself when bad movies or programs appear on TV.
One year I thought it would be a great idea to have the TV in the bedroom, but I was forced to abandon that scheme after I stayed up till 2am, night after night, mesmerised by ... World Wrestling Entertainment.
Good grief. It was amazing how many mortal enemies each wrestler had, and how they kept turning up unexpectedly, their agendas known only to themselves and the voiceover man. Fortunately, for each mortal enemy, each wrestler had a loyal ally, who would big-heartedly jump into the ring and help out by smashing someone over the head with a folding chair.
I didn't watch WWE voluntarily, but it was always just there, especially when I didn't want to go to sleep. I would stay up, eyes burning, despite the fact that I had to work the next day.
The naughty child in me revelled in the rebellion of staying up late, even though I was effectively sabotaging myself. If I ever attend therapy I will blame my parents for shuffling us off to bed early so that they could watch Dallas without corrupting any innocent minds.
Then there was the time I watched a very strange movie on SBS. It was truly awful but I couldn't look away or find the "Off" button on the remote.
It was about a German family that became possessed by a rat. Their sweet daughter became a skank. (She also lost the use of her legs but I cannot remember how.) Their son became a weirdo who was (URGH) seduced by his mother after she came home from an aerobics class (excuse me while I quietly throw up a little, in my mouth). And at the end of the movie, the father mutated into a giant rat and the rest of the family had to kill him (apologies for the spoiler).
A single thought dominated my mind for most of the movie's duration, and the days and weeks after that.
WHAT THE HECK WERE THE SCRIPTWRITERS SMOKING?