Examples Of How I Have Wasted My Life, No. 1

17/03/2008

Comments: 4 readers have left a comment

I seem to have an unfortunate condition called I-can't-look-away-itis. This chronic illness manifests itself when bad movies or programs appear on TV.

One year I thought it would be a great idea to have the TV in the bedroom, but I was forced to abandon that scheme after I stayed up till 2am, night after night, mesmerised by ... World Wrestling Entertainment.

Good grief. It was amazing how many mortal enemies each wrestler had, and how they kept turning up unexpectedly, their agendas known only to themselves and the voiceover man. Fortunately, for each mortal enemy, each wrestler had a loyal ally, who would big-heartedly jump into the ring and help out by smashing someone over the head with a folding chair.

I didn't watch WWE voluntarily, but it was always just there, especially when I didn't want to go to sleep. I would stay up, eyes burning, despite the fact that I had to work the next day.

The naughty child in me revelled in the rebellion of staying up late, even though I was effectively sabotaging myself. If I ever attend therapy I will blame my parents for shuffling us off to bed early so that they could watch Dallas without corrupting any innocent minds.

Then there was the time I watched a very strange movie on SBS. It was truly awful but I couldn't look away or find the "Off" button on the remote.

It was about a German family that became possessed by a rat. Their sweet daughter became a skank. (She also lost the use of her legs but I cannot remember how.) Their son became a weirdo who was (URGH) seduced by his mother after she came home from an aerobics class (excuse me while I quietly throw up a little, in my mouth). And at the end of the movie, the father mutated into a giant rat and the rest of the family had to kill him (apologies for the spoiler).

A single thought dominated my mind for most of the movie's duration, and the days and weeks after that.

WHAT THE HECK WERE THE SCRIPTWRITERS SMOKING?

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Reader Comments

Genevieve

19/03/2008 at 02:42

That German movie sounds so awesome. x_x

Man, I am constantly eating cereal at non- breakfast times and thinking to myself HA! TAKE THAT MOM! I CAN EAT CEREAL WHENEVER I WANT!

Nashy

27/03/2008 at 14:16

German cinema is very strange and quite often completely twisted. Shudder.
I try to avoid it because it causes me nightmares.

When I stay up til 3.30am on a 'school night' I don't watch wrestling. I watch infomercials like Guthy Renker and the like. My latest fave features Nick Lachey, Brooke Burke and a big silver fit ball.

That is all.

Jaymez

29/03/2008 at 16:23

Tell me the name of that movie! Ha, and the word skank - I love it - so descriptive. But seriously, TV's in the bedroom cut into two vital activities, sleep snd sex so get it out!

Angie

02/04/2008 at 21:51

Genevieve - Ah, cereal, the mainstay of lazy single people everywhere. I once had Coco Pops for dinner for a week :)

Nashy - Well, it was either wrestling or whatever strange foreign late night movie SBS had on.

James - I honestly can't remember the name (and I don't really want to) but don't worry, I'm sure a brief Google search will reveal all! That movie would have scarred a lot more victims than just me.

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